how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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