nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
PANTIES FOUND
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