I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize