i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
