eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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