Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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