i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
