I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A bitchslap is in order.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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