and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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