So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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