Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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