Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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