Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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