True but thats because hes a fetus.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bring me that man meat
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
