Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it's great music for shaving your balls
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
