Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
