I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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