Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
