Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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