i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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