I'm drive I can fine osifer
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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