I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
