We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
