I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
