I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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