if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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