then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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