saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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