My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
