I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
