Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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