my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
