i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
