bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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