If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
