i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
