No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
