If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
