It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
