so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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