If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The Olympian is in my bed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
