Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
