What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
