They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
