i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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