Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize