I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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