1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
