Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
