apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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