whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
