Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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