don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
