your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
