.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
