4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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