Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
