I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
