dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
