Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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