Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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