tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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