Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
