well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
