Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
