you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
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