hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
