I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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