i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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