just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
